…and no will to say it.
It was a day of mixed emotions. Some very wonderful things happened, some, utterly draining.
The one I return to over and over is a relationship, long broken, that I can’t seem to let go of. I think, really, its because the breaking was not my fault.
Because I can accept when that happens. For all my good bits, I can be an asshole sometimes. I can become driven and focused and lose sight of the needs of others. I know this, I recognize it as one of my flaws. In the past, this has caused friction and sometimes, yes, broken relationships that I valued.
I own that. I do. I know that those moments were absolutely my fault and I accept the responsibility for creating them. And yes, I’m sorry I did.
This one is different.
This one is one broken not by my direct actions, but by the whisperings and wheedling of another.
And I don’t know what makes it worse – that this person continues to do their best to destroy my ability to enjoy things I love that they have NO other interest in otherwise?
Or that the relationship they managed to break was able to be broken by such things in the first place.
Alas, I know the real problem, in the end…is me.
I shouldn’t put people on so high of pedestals.
Good night, Bloglandia.
I have grown weary of this day.