Four past midnight, but I’ve so much to say…

…and no will to say it.

It was a day of mixed emotions. Some very wonderful things happened, some, utterly draining.

The one I return to over and over is a relationship, long broken, that I can’t seem to let go of. I think, really, its because the breaking was not my fault.

Because I can accept when that happens. For all my good bits, I can be an asshole sometimes. I can become driven and focused and lose sight of the needs of others. I know this, I recognize it as one of my flaws. In the past, this has caused friction and sometimes, yes, broken relationships that I valued.

I own that. I do. I know that those moments were absolutely my fault and I accept the responsibility for creating them. And yes, I’m sorry I did.

This one is different.

This one is one broken not by my direct actions, but by the whisperings and wheedling of another.

And I don’t know what makes it worse – that this person continues to do their best to destroy my ability to enjoy things I love that they have NO other interest in otherwise?

Or that the relationship they managed to break was able to be broken by such things in the first place.

Alas, I know the real problem, in the end…is me.

I shouldn’t put people on so high of pedestals.

Good night, Bloglandia.

I have grown weary of this day.

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12 comments

  1. Sometimes these things happen, and they aren’t your fault. You just have to find a way to move past it. If you think about it, all those relationship break ups you claim were your fault, has put someone else into this very situation. I am sure they have moved past it, and so will you.

    It’s sad that someone out there feels the need to do something like that to you. I once had a ‘friend’ who felt the need to attempt to seduce my boyfriends. She was successful a depressing number of times. I eventually realised that she was the issue as well as the guys who couldn’t keep it in their pants. I walked away from her and the negativity she was injecting into my life. I have had failed relationships since, they are complicated things.

    It shouldn’t have been easy for whispers and gossip to get between you and your former partner. It seems like your disappointment is in them, more than the person causing the trouble. Probably because that is where the trust was broken. But i am sure you are also aware that you deserve better than that. The hurt and disappointment will fade, but it will always be there in the back of your mind. Use that. Let it teach you to stand up to those trying to hurt you, and let it show you that you should never settle for less than you deserve.

    You deserve better than someone who allows themselves to be talked away from you.

    1. Thank you Naomi! There are strange, complicated circumstances that probably helped those whispers out, but in the end, you are absolutely right. Someone who can be talked away from friendship probably wasn’t ever really a friend.

  2. Thank you, dear heart. Normally, I’m pretty good about following my own advice, but this is one where I have a particular hang up that I clearly just need to let go.

  3. (((( hugs ))))
    Sucks that this is happening to you; totally know what it feels like to get dumped on by someone else… And then have another person believe all the crap they hear. It’s sad when people forget that there are 2 sides to a story. Hope things get better.

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